wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize