i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
