Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
