yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
