who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
