The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
