6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
