My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
last night I used snow as a chaser
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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