watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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