how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
