That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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