Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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