Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
