Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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