i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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