whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
