He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
