she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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