I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
