Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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