Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
