Nicole vs. Life
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
