Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
