Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
