i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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