Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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