matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
