I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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