I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
