He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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