saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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