4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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