the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
3pm strippers are depressing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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