Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
