i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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