Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
