I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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