Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
