she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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