i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize