No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
