we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
