you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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