I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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