she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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