I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
