Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
