I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
