I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
