True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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