God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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