it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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