i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up under a house in Key West
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
