You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I party with great urgency now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
