i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize