she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
