You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
