you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
