Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
