So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
