Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
