: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Shame - the story of my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
