According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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