I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
