so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
