i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize