i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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