When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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