I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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