have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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