i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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