I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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