That's intense
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
