Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
