hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
