I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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