ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
