he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
