Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
