Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize